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Uncomfort

I suppose to read another source for my final project. I think i got a PMS *that thing :p* and it’s not as usual. I think that thing would never make any effect for me. But, suddenly i got blank and i miss my parents so much as if i haven’t met them in years.

This final project is not only the implementation of my curiosity about datamining, but also an efidence that I CAN. It’s like part of internship mission, i can do those things, i made a system. But, i think this final project is meeting some broken path and i can’t find the bridge. I felt so lonely. Maybe the internship was fine because i was at home. I never feel this place as a home, since 3 years ago. After years, i still missing my old friends this much. People where i could feel home. I’m so sorry being so selfish, but i need to speak out this laments. The world is so harsh, but i shouldn’t be this harsh too.

I was staying in this place for wrong reason, but i want to end it with good reason and good result. I don’t want to rely on my emotions to somebody else, but this time there’s some a disconnectivity in my logical and non-logical thought. I thought i had been a winner from the last war. Unfortunately, i haven’t reach the end of war. This non-logical thought make my heart still beating so fast when those memories came.

I haven’t said the reason why i could let it go. I’d already known the answer: coming back to its origin. Coming back to a nice young man with a humble personality. I could let you go, but i have to confess you went away taking something that you will never give it back to me. I thought i was stronger than before, but this crybaby felt very lost. All this time i kept looking for you through somebody else, but i never found you.

In this fasting month, i only could keep praying i’ll never see you again. But this day, i saw you. The same you. I felt that we both are fish in the different aquarium. No matter how loud i called your name, you’ll never turn your face to me.

Stupid!

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